发信人: blmguy (nobody), 信区: Psychology
标 题: Re: 清帮帮我弟弟
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Tue Sep 9 13:31:42 2008)
your brother is typical. Some of my classmates are like this too.
The problem about him is that he never had any responsibility since he was
very young. here responsility means those tiny things,including doing light
housework. he never did those. Everything is controlled by his mom. when
somebody has no responsility for too long, he will blame all his own failure
on someone else.
from your post: he blames his college roomates , he blames his professor, he
blames his girlfriend, he blames his coworkers. Finally at this moment he
found out that he has no one left to blame, well it is your parent's term to
be blamed for his own failure.
you need to talk to him one on one, make sure he understands that he is a
mature adult now, he is RESPONSIBLE for his own success or failure.
Especially he has no one to blame but himself for his failure. It will be a
long fight, it requirs pateince and tough love. well someone has to do it.
and everytime he opens his mouth to blame something,look straight into his
eye and tell him (after he finishs his bullshit of course, do not interupt
him) that he is repeating his old pattern (blaming something for his own
failure). and tell him he needs to stop that kind of thinking pattern and
figure out with him (1) why he failed (2) where is the problem (3) what HE
CAN DO to overcome it or at least not worsing it.
you need to tell him: stand up and fight like a man
so the essense of a lot of this psycological case is that: the patient has
been addicting to their old pattern for too long, they themselvs can even
not realize it anymore. all they need is a loud and repeated wake up call so
that they will not go back to his old pattern.
hope this helps
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