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文章阅读:Re: 清帮帮我弟弟
[同主题阅读] [版面: 心理学] [作者:blmguy] , 2008年09月09日13:31:42
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发信人: blmguy (nobody), 信区: Psychology
标  题: Re: 清帮帮我弟弟
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Tue Sep  9 13:31:42 2008)

your brother is typical. Some of my classmates are like this too.

The problem about him is that he never had any responsibility since he was
very young. here responsility means those tiny things,including doing light
housework. he never did those. Everything is controlled by his mom. when
somebody has no responsility for too long, he will blame all his own failure
on someone else.
from your post: he blames his college roomates , he blames his professor, he
blames his girlfriend, he blames his coworkers. Finally at this moment he
found out that he has no one left to blame, well it is your parent's term to
be blamed for his own failure.

you need to talk to him one on one, make sure he understands that he is a
mature adult now, he is RESPONSIBLE for his own success or failure.
Especially he has no one to blame but himself for his failure. It will be a
long fight, it requirs pateince and tough love. well someone has to do it. 
and everytime he opens his mouth to blame something,look straight into his
eye and tell him (after he finishs his bullshit of course, do not interupt
him) that he is repeating his old pattern (blaming something for his own
failure). and tell him he needs to stop that kind of thinking pattern and
figure out with him (1) why he failed (2) where is the problem (3) what HE
CAN DO to overcome it or at least not worsing it.
you need to tell him: stand up and fight like a man

so the essense of a lot of this psycological case is that: the patient has
been addicting to their old pattern for too long, they themselvs can even
not realize it anymore. all they need is a loud and repeated wake up call so
that they will not go back to his old pattern.

hope this helps



【 在 leaflying (~Prelim暂时最大) 的大作中提到: 】
: 这里我想就我弟弟的心理问题向大家问一下,他到底是否需要心理治疗,如何进行。先
: 谢谢了!
: 我弟弟从小就是一个很内向的孩子,心地善良也易感,非常听话但主要是老师和党中央
: 的话。虽然有一些小小的怪癖,比如卫生细节上的瞎讲究,总体上是个很好的孩子。内
: 向可能是天生的,就像我父亲那样,但是和人打交道的经验确实被后天限制了。妈妈从
: 小就大事小事全包,孩子主要就是强调要专心读书,而爸爸又是工作忙没时间管,弟弟
: 什么事情都依赖妈妈。总觉得这样的男孩子可能身上的阳刚气不重,是自信不足的原因
: 之一。而且弟弟的依赖真的非常彻底的,小到和同学的矛盾要爸妈摆平,中到和老师搞
: 好关系,大到后来升学工作恋爱...麻烦来妈妈挡,简直是理所应当。
: 曾经爸妈也意识到需要锻炼弟弟,就让他去了四川读大学。那四年里,弟弟打电话回家
: ...................



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